But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
