I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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