i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
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Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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