well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
