i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
