there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
