Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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