Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
