Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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