I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
