what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
BRING THE BAGELS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
