There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
