My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
