i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
