she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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