I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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