you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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