like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
