how can u be prego again
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
