We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....