I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
