This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.