problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make