$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
this must be what syphilis tastes like
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.