let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
