I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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