I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
