Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
