During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
