Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
