i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
