And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
