Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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