Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
