Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
