Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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