Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
