rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
