It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
