plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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