those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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