just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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