I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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