I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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