Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
