What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As shirtless as possible
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
