Pants 0. Shit 1.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
