IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need water and some morals
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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