you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
