Do you still have your period?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
