I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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