for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
