Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
