This is not my ceiling
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
