Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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(518): View more from New York

I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.

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(260): View more from Indiana

I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me

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(925): View more from California

He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.

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(616): View more from Michigan

When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?

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