Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
