Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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