Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
