Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
