Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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