If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
His nipple licking is glorious
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