mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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