Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
