Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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