I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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