I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
