I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
