are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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