Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
